Current:Home > StocksRelationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life -ChatGPT
Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life
View
Date:2025-04-17 07:19:59
Don't text back too soon, or you'll seem desperate. Don't wait too long to text, or they'll lose interest. And don't ever, ever send two text messages in a row.
There are a lot of rules people set for themselves when it comes to the early stages of dating, particularly in an era when dating apps have upended the norms of how most singles meet and mingle.
Many of these self-imposed regulations, however, can actually hinder your chances of finding a healthy romance, according to relationship experts.
"Relationships are contextual," says relationship therapist Kimberly Moffit. "You have to understand the context of your 'situationship' or relationship and use your instincts, as opposed to just always following rules."
Here are some common dating "don't's" that experts encourage daters to let go of:
'Don't text back too soon (or too late)'
Text anxiety has become a staple of online dating. "Am I writing too much? Too little? What if I respond too quickly, and they think I have no life?"
Yes, it's probably wise not to drop everything going on in your life to respond immediately. But you also don't have to feign being busy.
"In dating, someone's going to figure out who you are eventually," Moffit says. "If you're a naturally busy person and you have stuff going on, there's going to be times where you take a few hours to respond and then there's going to be other times where you're there and you get into more of a texting conversation."
Bottom line, she says: Respond when you have time and when it feels natural to do so.
Dating burnout is real:How to find love while protecting your mental health
'Don't date more than one person at a time'
How about: Don't put all your eggs in one basket instead. Celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert Carmelia Ray says there's no need to cut yourself off from other connections if you're still in the early stage of dating someone new, what she calls the courting process.
"It takes a while to get to know somebody, so if you're going to invest all your time in one relationship, and then it doesn't work out, then you're back to ground zero," she says. "It's OK to be hanging out with two or three people to see who is actually consistent, because after a while you'll really know somebody's true colors."
More:How to start a good conversation on a dating app. Online dating advice from relationship experts
'Don't compromise on (superficial) standards'
Moffit and Ray agree: Many daters are far too strict about the type of person they're willing to go out with, leading them to rule out great options over superficial standards like height, location, education level or occupation.
Moffit encourages people to stay open-mind about these things. After all, you could have great chemistry once you meet in person.
"It's a personal decision of course with dating, but I do feel like it just restricts people that if you met them in the wild, you might just really love them," she says, adding you learn more about your attraction to someone from sensory information, such as the way they talk and move, than from information on a dating profile.
More:Videos of long blue text messages show we don't know how to talk to each other
'Don't bring up politics or religion (or anything interesting) on the first date'
Politics, religion and other controversial topics tend to be viewed as off-limits for early dates; however, they're important issues that can reveal someone's values and spark interesting discussion.
Moffit says it's OK to share views that are important to you early in dating, as they can deepen your connection and inspire conversation beyond the typical, 'So, what do you do?' banter.
"People do say things like, 'Avoid politics. Avoid business. Avoid religion. Avoid existential conversations,' " Moffit says. "The best first dates have a lot of deep conversations. How else are you going to get to know somebody and connect if you can't talk about the things that matter to you?"
Plus, if any of these issues do prove to be deal-breakers, isn't it better to be upfront about them sooner rather than later?
"You might have to turn off 80% of people in order to really appeal to the 20% who are the fit," Moffit says.
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (78)
Related
- Tree trimmer dead after getting caught in wood chipper at Florida town hall
- Trump to meet with senior Japanese official after court session Tuesday in hush money trial
- 'Family Guy' actor Patrick Warburton says his parents 'hate the show'
- $6,500 school vouchers coming to Georgia as bill gets final passage and heads to governor
- Krispy Kreme offers a free dozen Grinch green doughnuts: When to get the deal
- Ex-Washington police officer is on the run after killing ex-wife and girlfriend, officials say
- Baltimore port to open deeper channel, enabling some ships to pass after bridge collapse
- After 4-hour fight, 2 fishermen land 718-pound giant bluefin tuna off New Jersey coast
- Off the Grid: Sally breaks down USA TODAY's daily crossword puzzle, Triathlon
- 'American Idol' recap: Judges dole out criticism (and hugs) as Top 10 is revealed
Ranking
- New Mexico governor seeks funding to recycle fracking water, expand preschool, treat mental health
- Rumer Willis Celebrates Her Mama Curves With New Message About Her Postpartum Body
- Study shows people check their phones 144 times a day. Here's how to detach from your device.
- Transgender Tennessee woman sues over state’s refusal to change the sex designation on her license
- See you latte: Starbucks plans to cut 30% of its menu
- How do I update my resume to help land that job? Ask HR
- New Jersey man charged with federal hate crime in Rutgers Islamic center vandalism
- In ‘The People vs. Citi,’ Climate Leaders Demand Citibank End Its Fossil Fuel Financing
Recommendation
Gen. Mark Milley's security detail and security clearance revoked, Pentagon says
Ex-Washington police officer is on the run after killing ex-wife and girlfriend, officials say
UnitedHealth says wide swath of patient files may have been taken in Change cyberattack
Both bodies found five days after kayaks capsized going over a dangerous dam in Indianapolis
What to watch: O Jolie night
WNBA's Kelsey Plum, NFL TE Darren Waller file for divorce after one-year of marriage
Small school prospects to know for the 2024 NFL draft
Oklahoma police say 10-year-old boy awoke to find his parents and 3 brothers shot to death